Coffee is Good for Your Wang, Says Dr. Wang – True Story

According to a story in Men's Health, and the New York Post, Doctors David Lopez and Run Wang (not even kidding), have found that drinking 2-3 cups of coffee a day can keep your wang from looking sadly at the floor when you want it to be standing at attention.

How about THAT for a sentence, eh?

Caffeine has properties similar to ED drugs like Viagra, says study coauthor Run Wang, M.D. The stimulant triggers a series of effects that cause the arteries in your penis to relax and your blood flow to increase—both keys to a strong erection.

via Men's Health

Apparently, if you're overweight, it's even more helpful for keeping your trouser snake ready for action. The bulging belly has been linked to ED, and coffee can help alleviate some of the problems until you can get the weight back off.

So pick up a coffee pot and sit hunched around it all day, chugging down the black nectar, and when the girls come knocking, you'll be ready to go!

Of course, you'll have to brush your teeth and rinse with pretty harsh acids or something to make your breath bearable for sex, but that's a small price to pay to make sure that when you look down at your little buddy, he's looking back.

I know, don't use the words 'little buddy'.

Oh, the shaking, nervousness, lack of sleep, and high blood pressure? Nothing to worry about, as long as Pepe is ready to go! Some sacrifices must be made!