Contact Us

Everybody Sounds Insane to Someone Who Doesn’t Drink Coffee

Hi, my name is Johnnie, and I don’t like coffee.


I never have.  I don’t like the flavor, the smell, how it tastes when someone you’re kissing drank it…the only bit that’s okay is the first 10 second when the bag is opened and you get that initial smell of the beans.  After that, get it away.

I personally don’t think it’s that big a deal, but people always seem to make a big deal about the fact that I don’t drink coffee.  Does everyone else have stock in coffee companies, and I don’t?

So, when I see/hear people ordering and paying $6 for a coffee, it confuses me.  Especially with all the insane options available.  To me, everyone ordering coffee sounds like these hipsters:

WTF is this supposed to be?
WTF is this supposed to be? I didn’t think John was that hard!

“Can you misspell my name on one of those paper cups, so I can complain about it on Facebook?”  Don’t worry, bro, they screw up EVERYONE’s name, no matter how simple.  I think it’s part of the “coffee experience”.  Seriously, how do you f*** up John?

On the same note: I drink beer sometimes, but I’m not obsessed with it.  A lot of people here in the building are nuts for it.  I get it that GR is a beer city, and that’s great!  But often, people sound like this when I’m at the bar:

“It’s so bitter, you’ll no longer be able to dream” is my favorite.

Do you find yourself surrounded by people who are obsessed with something that you’re just not in to?

Best of WGRD

Recommended For You

Best of the Web

Leave a Comment

It appears that you already have an account created within our VIP network of sites on . To keep your personal information safe, we need to verify that it's really you. To activate your account, please confirm your password. When you have confirmed your password, you will be able to log in through Facebook on both sites.

Forgot your password?

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

It appears that you already have an account on this site associated with . To connect your existing account just click on the account activation button below. You will maintain your existing VIP profile. After you do this, you will be able to always log in to using your original account information.

*Please note that your prizes and activities will not be shared between programs within our VIP network.

Please fill out the information below to help us provide you a better experience.

(Forgot your password?)

Not a member? Sign up here

Please solve this simple math problem to prove that you are a real person.

Sign up for Freeloaders quickly by connecting your Facebook account. It's just as secure and no password to remember!

Sign up to have exclusive Freeloaders contests, events, coupons, presales, and much more delivered to you for FREE.