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Everybody Sounds Insane to Someone Who Doesn’t Drink Coffee

Hi, my name is Johnnie, and I don’t like coffee.

(PAUSE FOR ALL THE GASPS TO SUBSIDE)

I never have.  I don’t like the flavor, the smell, how it tastes when someone you’re kissing drank it…the only bit that’s okay is the first 10 second when the bag is opened and you get that initial smell of the beans.  After that, get it away.

I personally don’t think it’s that big a deal, but people always seem to make a big deal about the fact that I don’t drink coffee.  Does everyone else have stock in coffee companies, and I don’t?

So, when I see/hear people ordering and paying $6 for a coffee, it confuses me.  Especially with all the insane options available.  To me, everyone ordering coffee sounds like these hipsters:

WTF is this supposed to be?
WTF is this supposed to be? I didn’t think John was that hard!

“Can you misspell my name on one of those paper cups, so I can complain about it on Facebook?”  Don’t worry, bro, they screw up EVERYONE’s name, no matter how simple.  I think it’s part of the “coffee experience”.  Seriously, how do you f*** up John?

On the same note: I drink beer sometimes, but I’m not obsessed with it.  A lot of people here in the building are nuts for it.  I get it that GR is a beer city, and that’s great!  But often, people sound like this when I’m at the bar:

“It’s so bitter, you’ll no longer be able to dream” is my favorite.

Do you find yourself surrounded by people who are obsessed with something that you’re just not in to?

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