A Morning With an Emu at The Office (Pictures)

This particular piece of web insanity is a chronicling by the editor of the WGRD website, me--Andy Green.

Most of the days I have ever worked in my life have been utterly and completely devoid of emus. Sure, I had seen them and other giant Satan-birds in settings like the zoo or in my night terrors. But I never expected to come face to beak with one before even having a chance to pound some coffee. That all changed thanks to Free Beer and Hot Wings.

It was a Friday. Like most Fridays, it sucked just a little bit less than your average Tuesday. On the way to work while fighting the road rage festering in my soul from the sack of waste in front of me who chooses defiantly to roll at a sweet pace of 55 mph in the passing lane, I cranked up the 'Free Beer and Hotwings' morning show to have a laugh.

I knew the guys were planning a mystery stunt with Producer Joe, but I, like most everyone in the office had no clue what it was going to be. As I'm listening to the show, I hear them begin to talk about the cockatoo on Joe's collar. Then it happened. They signaled to the bird handler to bring forth the emu. Joe freaked out a bit and I pulled into the parking garage.

I go into the building and hop on the elevator. As I walk into the office doors of the radio station I see a huge cartoonish crate with two little crates on top of it. Inside was the aforementioned cockatoo and another freaky bird. I walk down the hall right after the on air bit had come to an end and the handler was walking the giant emu back to it's huge Wyle E. Coyote box. I noticed that it kept it's head right at genital-level. Seriously, it's ready to snatch your reproductive organs quicker than Ozzy would screw up a declarative statement.

It stopped by JT's office and the sheer magnitude of the monstrous rocking emanating from in there was so heavy and destructive it shook the emu's breakfast right out of it's humongous bird butt. They walked the emu back down the hall and got him to safety.

The business manager Crystal took it upon herself to clean up the emu excrement. Free Beer, Hot Wings, Eric Zane, Producer Joe and Producer Steve seemed relatively unfazed by the whole thing. I on the other hand suffered from anxiety and panic attacks the rest of the day thinking about the danger an emu poses to my junk.