The Legend of Stoner Andy’s Grandma
Everybody's always asking me about my grandma and where the heck she came from, so I figured I would write one of these blog things about it.
I'm not sure the year, but it certainly was a long time ago... like a seriously long time ago, man. The only other detail I have on the creation of my grandma is that her mother and father were both pirates and that she was actually born inside a steel mill.
The only story my grandma ever told me about her childhood, man... is this story about her first job as a chimney sweep in the early 1900's. She was around 8 years old and they would drop her in and out of chimneys. She told me that it like, uh.. totally sucked and stuff.
During her time as a cage fighter, my grandma was undefeated. Then, one day a man came in to fight her that was seriously good at Tai Bo or Kwan Do, or you know.. one of those crazy, like fighting styles, man. Anyway, he ended up putting her in some kind of armbar and she ended up submitting... her heart. She fell in love with Brutus right there on the spot... and we're pretty sure that's who she created our family with, man. Like 78% sure on that, dude.
My grandma at some point in the 1970's had a falling out with her man, man. She and Brutus got into this really big fight, which resulted in the destruction of something like 80 square city blocks. Afterwards, my grandma broke both his legs, whistled for a cab, threw him in there and sent him straight to Montana. No one has heard from Brutus, since that day, dude.
Today's grandma is a super pissed off one eyed maniac of a woman. I live in her basement. She is angry at me every single day and she even once tried to poison me. She's cool though, man. Like... you just have to get to know her.