I Made Out With Dahmer
Before I start getting an onslaught of coming out congratulatory cards let me explain. It’s not “make out” in the sense that you’re thinking. Here’s what happened and how I made out with Dahmer.
Most of you are familiar with me and Dahmer and our non-gay Man Dates. Occasionally he and I will see a few concerts or a sporting event without our women. We usually meet somewhere first for some grub and a few beers and then we’ll head out to where ever we’re going. Keep in mind we drive separately, we never go to the bathroom together, we sit on opposite sides of a booth and we ALWAYS adhere to and abide by all Man-Code rules. We Clear?
So last night Me, Dahmer, Jackie and a few others are hanging out at Gippers for the Superbowl. This wouldn’t of been considered one of our Man Dates as defined per Dahmer bringing his hot-chick girlfriend with him and I was awaiting the arrival of my hot-chick wife who was traveling back home from a trip across the state. We had women with us, we clear?
But somewhere near the end of the 3rd quarter Jackie (as she’s always accustomed to doing after downing a lot of beers) decides it “picture time”. So she and Dahmers hot-chick babe start clicking away. It was then that I decided to be a smart ass. I turn toward Dahmer and pucker up. You know, as if I were going to kiss him. Ha ha I’m such a hilarious drunk (more like dork) right? What I didn’t expect was Dahmer to lean forward to fit in the frame of a pic. Because he didn’t realize what I was doing his hairy ass cheek brushed against my stupidly puckered lips.
After hacking and reflux gagging several times I did the only thing I could think of to rid myself of hairy Dahmer cheek germs….I immediately began to administer (rather harshly) Anti-Bacterial gel. It was shortly after that disgusting moment that a string of really good luck began to unravel. I won $50 bucks in a charity raffle, I won the 3rd quarter in Superbowl squares in group that does it only for (fun) and then my wife text me announcing a windfall compliments of the Michigan State Instant Lottery! I didn’t realize accidentally kissing Dahmer would bring me so much luck. I really made out!
Now please don’t think any less of me for this but the Powerball drawing is in the millions now and I’m thinking….well If I give him just a little peck…maybe I turn into a multimillionaire? I do know I’ll end up in the hospital for a stay after he kicks my a__ but damn man, we’re talking millions here folks and anybody that don’t like it – well they can kiss my multimillionaire butt. Of course, that would have to happen after I get out of the hospital. Wish me luck.