Please Don’t Do What This Michigan Man Did With His Beans

WARNING: This story is not for the faint of heart. Or for anyone who has common sense. Spoiler Alert: He didn't make soup. I would give it a NC-17 rating.

I know there's a movement in this country that declares "My body, my choice", but I think most of us can agree that this is a really, really bad choice.

The medical study web site Science Direct recently posted the case study of a 30-year-old Michigan man who had heard (probably on the internet) that it was a satisfying, and in fact pleasurable experience to put beans up his um, er, well let's say "pee hole" for those of you without any anatomical literacy, and urethra for those that do.

Now you would think if you're doing such a thing, you would have stopped after one bean, and written the experience off as a big mistake. But not our hero. He continued shoving beans up there until het got SIX, count 'em, SIX beans up there.

He walked (or should I say stumbled) into the emergency room, where I'm sure his story didn't add up to what the doctor was seeing.

At any rate, after several failed attempts to take them out the way they went in, something called a cystoscope was brought into play.

I'll let Science Direct finish the story from there, which they cleverly titled 'Beans In The Wrong Stalk':

The patient required operative intervention with cystoscopy and urethral foreign body retrieval. No additional trauma was appreciated and all beans were extracted. Management of patients with a urethral foreign body can be attempted with bedside extraction, however proximal or challenging objects may require surgical extraction via either endoscopic or open approaches.

And then there's this line that grabbed me:

Placement of foreign bodies within the urethra has intrigued urologists for years.

Okay, well, as long as there's a healthy curiosity about such things.

Let's hope he learned his lesson, because he did say that this wasn't the first time he'd done this . . . although he, quote, "never attempted this many beans" before.

The incident took place at Sparrow Hospital in Lansing.