Hi, my name is Johnnie, and I'm addicted to shrimp.

(Hiii Jooohhnnie.)

Every year, I love September, not because I'm particularly amazed by the weather, my birthday isn't in the month or anything...but because it's Endless Shrimp month at Red Lobster!

My buddy JJ and I used to hit up the shrimp as many times as we could during the promotion, and I've developed a simple 5 point strategy for eating a ton of shrimp, and not getting full too quickly.

Stay with me here, as some of the steps go against normal RL eating behavior.  But it's a really simple plan, very easy to follow.

#1 - First off, and the hardest part of the whole strategy:

STAY AWAY FROM THE CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS.

I know, that's sacrilege!  You HAVE to eat the biscuits, they're amazing!

But no, stay the course, maybe have one or two, at most.  Bread expands in your stomach, and will prevent you from really pounding down the shrimp, and getting your money's worth.

#2 - Skip the freaking salad.  'Nuff said.

#3 - Order broccoli for your side, whether you like it or not.  Fries, rice, potatoes...all these things will fill you up quickly, and you won't be able to get as many shrimp in your belly before having to stop or explode.  I happen to actually like broccoli, so that helps.  You don't actually have to eat any of it, though.

#4 - Stay away from the breaded shrimp, popcorn shrimp, and shrimp pasta.  At least until you're ready to stop eating.  All of these will expand in your stomach and slow you down.  Stick with anything grilled, the delicious scampi, the parmesan scampi...stuff like that.  There's no breading to fill you up quickly.  You will be surprised at how much shrimp scampi and grilled shrimp you can eat.

#5 - Keep them coming.  When they bring you your food, you can place your order for two more orders of shrimp.  Keep the cycle going, don't take breaks.  It's like the opposite of eating less on a diet.  If you eat slowly, your body can tell you it's full quicker.

So, to pound the shrimp down, just keep eating.

The end result will not only bring you a sense of accomplishment that you've gotten your money's worth of shrimp, but you'll also get the added benefit of probably grossing out your server, the other people at the table, maybe even other diners at other tables.

But you'll have DESTROYED the endless shrimp.

I will not be held responsible for any health problems or death by mercury poisoning you may encounter.  I'm just sharing with you my strategy for getting all I can out of the promotion.  Take from it what you will.

photo Johnnie Walker