Patty Parsons, the Internet's most recent clueless mom, recently posted a photo on Twitter of her son's masturbation toy, asking people what it was. The Internet, in all its cruel glory, was kind enough to explain it to her in graphic detail.

Her poor CJ (son), has now been outed as a shower masturbator to the entire world.

He claims to have "removed" the offending fleshlight, claiming it was his "friend's" toy...wait, you used someone else's sex toy? What kind of f-ing barbarian are you? You of all people should know what that thing has been through! Why would you stick your thing in there? You and your friend are 19, meaning you're both disgusting kids! No telling what's been germinating in there!

And leaving it in the humid, moist shower? Are you TRYING to catch some kind of penis bacteria?

I don't know that penis bacteria is a real thing, I'm not very sciency.

Dude, take that thing down, wash it out, and wash the crusties out of your own socks. You are freaking gross.

Patty, stop cleaning that stuff up for him, and don't ever go back into his bathroom. And get him some help. (Sorry, I'm watching American Horror Story Asylum, and the chronic masturbator thing just flashed into my mind. Worst thing ever.)

I think even the fleshlight vomited in its mouth a little bit. (Sasha Grey Fleshlight, via Doc Johson on