A nice lady who loves nachos was arrested in a small town near Youngstown, OH, on suspicion of prostitution. Funnily enough, she was arrested in Beaver Township, which makes this story just that much better.

She arranged her "date" on Backpage.com, and made damn sure the John booking the "date" knew that she wanted nachos. Make SURE you bring $50, and nachos. The nachos are non-negotiable.

She should have made that part of her backpage ad. She just threw that in during the negotiation with, what turned out to be, a cop.

Beaver Township Officer James L. Cardelein met up with Crystal Hotlosz, and her "driver", Mark Robbins, and the discussion about how the "date" would proceed began. At no point did she forget about the nachos.

“He was telling me when they did meet, naturally they have to banter and she asked three or four times where her nachos were,” Cardelein said.

via CBS Detroit

The price apparently varied during the conversation, but one thing was never taken off the table:

WHERE ARE THE DAMN NACHOS!?

I guess I should say, the nachos were never put on the table, since the officer didn't bring them. Rude.

Crystal was arrested for solicitation and possession of criminal tools...um...I'm not sure what that means? Is that police code for her vagina? Is that what's considered a "criminal tool" in this exchange, since that's what she was bargaining with?

"Hey baby, my vagina is on record as a 'criminal tool'!"

But I digress. Her companion, Mark, was also arrested, for promoting prostitution, and the two of them are spending a lovely evening or two in Mahoning County Jail.

Even worse: She's rotting in a jail cell, WITHOUT ANY NACHOS!

Times are hard, my friends, times are hard.