Artprize Eight 2016 Survival Tips for Grand Rapids Workers

Artprize Eight is here! Wednesday, September 21st, downtown Grand Rapids filled up with thousands of additional people, wandering aimlessly through the streets and buildings, taking your favorite booth at the restaurant you love for lunch, and clogging the streets as they try to decided if they're really lost or not. Yay, Artprize!

I've had two years of experience with it now, and I've learned some valuable lessons from it, and I would like to share them with you now. Maybe it'll help you keep your sanity, and help you make it through.

First off, forget about the usual places to eat lunch. They're all going to be PACKED with people fighting for tables, the food will be smaller portions, and the prices will go up a bit. Pack a lunch, or take your lunch break at odd times. The odd times will help a bit, but there will still be a wait, and trouble getting a table, unless you have a different shift schedule completely. Packing your lunch might be the best option, since you can eat when and where you want.

Second, arrive earlier, leave later. There will be a million people downtown, and they're all going to try to beat the rush. None of them will. Ever. You will be simply trying to get to work, and they will be clogging the streets, the bus stops, the parks, heck, they'll even be wandering around in your building, whether you're an Artprize host or not. Leaving work a bit earlier will get you right into the line for your parking garage, so you'l only have to wait a little longer than normal to get in and park.

Leaving later means, you'll be later for dinner than normal, but you may not run over as many people lollygagging in the streets looking for the "über-cool" piece of art they knew was right around here somewhere...

Third, bring walking shoes. Because of all the people I mentioned above, you're going to get stuck parking farther away, or in a higher level of your parking garage.  You normally get to park on B, but now you're on level N, and the elevator is full of tourists, naturally. You will probably be forced to walk down and up a lot of stairs going to and from your car and office every day, so wear something you can walk longer distances in.

Ladies, put the heels in your bag, with the eleven million other things. Your feet will thank you later.

Fourth, switch from earbuds to full-on headphones. Normally when you're wandering around downtown, earbuds are fine, as you'll mostly jet get a nod and maybe a "Hi" as you walk past people. But with so many people wandering around looking for the new "hip" and "cool" art thingy, you're likely to get asked things. Like, "Hey, do you know where (insert some art thingy name) is?" or maybe, "Where's the best place for lunch?"

You don't want to talk to EVERYONE wandering around, otherwise you're not likely to make it to work on time, get somewhere to eat lunch...or just be antisocial. Wearing full-on headphones will be a good clear sign to people that you are serious about listening to your music, and bugger off!

Get used to using your car horn. Usually you don't want to the the obnoxious asshat who's honking at everyone slowly shambling across the intersection. Seriously, why do people walk so slowly across the streets? Anyway, most of the time, you know it's only a couple people, and they'll be out of the way in a second...but during Artprize?

F-that! There's a million people in front of your car, and some of them go from a full shamble to a complete stop (which can be hard to tell apart sometimes) and just look around in front of your car! A brief toot on the horn can hopefully speed them along.

It might just get them to stumble along from a George Romero zombie shuffle to a Walking Dead zombie shamble, but you'll feel like you've achieved a little something during your day. And that's all that matters.

Start taking your medication again/drink a little at work. You've tried really hard to kick the Xanax, you decided to face the day on your own, and normally that's commendable. But for the next three weeks of Artprize, that's bulls***. You won't make it. Get that Xanax bottle back out, blow off the dust, and keep it handy. You're going to need something to even you out during the day.

Yeah, okay, you're emotional range will shrink from its usual 1 to 10, to about 4 to 6, but you probably won't grab a shiv and start shanking people in the lobby, either. Which, in case you weren't sure, is a win.

If you don't have a preexisting prescription, try to get one. Maybe a 30-day trial. If that doesn't work, keep a bottle of something under your desk, or in a drawer. A little bit, spaced throughout the day will keep you more relaxed, and not drunk and ready to fight. You also don't want to drink too much after lunch, since you need to be sober on your way home.

If all else fails, have some fun with it.

You only need to make it to October 9th, which seems like a long way away, but we can do it! Is there an Artprize Support Group for downtown employees? Maybe we should have meetings with free cupcakes and coffee. Well, at least the cupcakes. That would be awesome.

Im going to get a cupcake...