Top 5 Worst Valentines Day Gifts!

These gifts ARE from experience, mind you the people that gave me them were utter douche rockets.... but still try to stay away from these and your girl will love you...

5) A book... This one never ceases to amaze me... a book? really?  I like to read right and I was given a while a back a book, from like walmart, it was I think some romance novel (blah!) just a soft cover book, no meaning just randomness... try to steer away from this one guys...

4) Alcohol- HAHA yes this really was given to me once, it was a bottle of vodka, and it wasnt even the expensive kind... but it did have a bow on it...  Ya see dudes this ones bad because alcohol says this, "I want to get you drunk and have sex with you..."  So heres a better idea, get her something else and then take her to dinner where you can get her drunk and have sex with her after.... then you both get what you want.

3) Balloons- This is because balloons are fricken stupid, if you get someone balloons they are just going to feel like they reverted back to kindergarten when they broke their leg and got a bunch of balloons when they were in the hospital... (this may be one of those stories that happened to me....) plus what can you do with a balloon once you have it, it just floats up in your room untill it deflates or pops! So save your money and dont bother with balloons!

2) Superficial Gifts- by this I mean things that took no thought or effort and are random, where you open it and you think "why the hell did he think I wanted this..." perfect example... a new bowling ball, when she doesnt bowl.... (another example from my life.... )  So with that said, lets try to put a tiny bit more thought then that...

1) Flowers and Candy- This is the WORST!  Flowers die and candy make your ass fat... Its like straight wasting your money dudes! Flowers are so fricken expensive so maybe go to the gas station and buy one, then take her to dinner with all the money you saved!

You guys dont need to take my advice on this... especially since Im not the one youll be tryin to get laid by on Valentines Day... but word to the wise, the more you woo, the quicker you'll get in the sack... just sayin...