Thursday's segment of Christine-ology I vent about my struggles of waking up super early.

There are certain things in life that are legal but totally shouldn’t be. Leaving shopping carts in parking lots, pineapple pizza, and waking up stupid early.

Since joining the morning show people have asked me how I like it and my reply is always the same “I love it but I will never get used to waking up early. It’s the worst” Before this job, I thought 8 a.m. was early… now try 4 a.m. Before this, I thought the worst thing was when a hot shower turns cold. But no, the worst thing is actually waking up at 4 a.m.

How is it even natural as humans to wake up that early? My body and brain can barely function; and even my cat will look at me, when I begrudgingly roll out of bed, with squinted eyes like “why are you up human?” 

My fellow Americans, no couple should have to sleep divorce due to opposite schedules. No person should have to contemplate getting fired just to sleep-in a couple extra hours.

If I were president, I would make it a law that no one will be forced to wake up before 7 a.m. unless you so choose to. *Ahem* people who bike ride at 4:30 a.m. *ahem* If I were president, no company or business would be allowed to start operations until 8 a.m. or later. The exception would obviously be the businesses that have to operate 24/7. Otherwise, everyone gets to sleep in! And on good pillows. That’s right. If I’m your president everyone gets a new pillow! And not the cheap kind, either.

If I’m your president, this show would then be on from 8 am to noon. I could put some effort into looking cute again, and Fish wouldn’t have to ask his wife for permission to rub my oculars again.

Vote for sleep. Vote for me.

I’m Christine and I approve this message.

FILL IN THE BLANK: If I were president I would make ________ illegal. 

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