John Oliver’s Church Closes to Stop the Flood of Semen [Video]
John Oliver made some noise recently about churches, and to show how easy it is to found your own tax exempt church, he created Our Lady of Perpetual Exemption. John Oliver is the 'Megareverend' and CEO of the church, that solicited 'seeds' from his viewers, much as the televangelists solicit 'seeds' from theirs.
Unfortunately, a lot of people took the word 'seeds' a bit too literally.
The church was flooded with semen. What the actual f***?
Who sits around mailing semen?
Apparently, a SH**LOAD of people.
Here's a bit of John Oliver's farewell letter to his flock:
We have still, miraculously, not broken any laws by promising you untold riches in return for sending us money. We’re also not closing down because you all kept sending us actual seeds, even though we explicitly told you not to. We’re closing because multiple people sent us sperm through the mail. And when someone sends you jizz through the mail, it’s time to stop whatever you’re doing.
P.S. All previous monetary donations have been forwarded to Doctors Without Borders. We did not send the sperm.
So, please, take a
hard look...wait, no...take a deep, penetrating look...wait, that's not better...think long and hard...Jesus, what's wrong with me? Consider what could be going wrong in your mind, if you think sending semen to ANYONE is a good idea.
Anyway, the church is closed and not accepting any more 'donations'. So please stop mailing that stuff. Or any other weird stuff your mind is thinking of sticking into an envelope!