In Loving Memory Of Free Beer and Hot Wings

Hi Idiots.

It is with a heavy heart that I must inform all of you that Chris "Hot Wings" Michels passed away today. The coroner's office believes the cause of death was (checks notes) "being too funny". Wait, that can't be right. Since when was he funny?

I'm kidding, of course. Everyone is very fine. We're continuing to embrace the doom and gloom of the Halloween season with a potentially depressing topic: funerals. A sad inevitability is that death comes for us all one day.

How cultures celebrate/honor the dead has varied throughout history. Egyptians were known for mummifying bodies, while Tibetan Buddhism has a burial style known as the Tibetan Sky Burial that involves vultures consuming the bodies of the deceased to help fly the dead up to the heavens.

I took a Death and Dying course while in college and it was one of the most insightful classes I took my entire time in school. Part of that class was planning my funeral. As a result, I've always found it a curious topic of discussion to see what people want done with their bodies when they pass away.

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So today I asked what each person would want at their funerals. Here are their answers:

Free Beer

I would like to be cremated and I want people to come and tell funny stories and remember good that were had. I want people to make each other laugh.

Steve

I have three requirements for my funeral. 1) A buffet. 2) A DJ 3) A photo booth with lots of props. Basically, everything you would have at a wedding reception, I want at my funeral. I want people to be uncomfortable with how festive the atmosphere is.

Hot Wings

For my funeral, I want everyone to find out there was a mistake and I'm actually still alive when I shock everyone by casually walking in and asking what's going on. Together, we then open the caskets to find the bodies of Ryan Seacrest and Nick Cannon.

Maitlynn

Growing up, whenever I'd be scared to do something my mom would say 'You're not gonna die...and if you do we'll have ponies and ballons at your funeral'. So  I would like to actually have those no matter what. Also, a Nickelback power hour. Just banger after banger to remind people how cool I was.