There Are Now Underpants Designed Specifically For Lap Dances – Because Of Course There Are
I’m going to warn you now, if you click through any of the links to the site that actual sells what I’m about to tell you about, you will see a video that is both NSFW and possibly one of the most uncomfortable things I’ve ever watched in my life. Seriously. I think I might be traumatized after watching it. But, it is a great way to market what might possibly be the most ridiculous product I’ve come across since the Circumsion Practice Kit. Gentlemen, I present to you, Liquid Lapdance.
You’re probably thinking, “Wendy, what can these magic lap dance underpants do that my normal tighty whities don’t?” Well, let me tell you. Actually, I’ll let their own description speak for itself,
1. They moisturize and lubricate your penis. A moisturized penis is more sensitive than a dry penis. As the dancer glides her body over yours, you will feel her much more intensely. One reviewer described it as the difference between standard and high definition.
2. They provide you with the space to get fully-erect. Most underwear is not designed to be worn when you’re rock hard. Ours is. Expand in comfort.
3. They take the pain out of lap dances. Dry lap dances can be quite painful. Many guys avoid lap dances for this reason. Liquid Lapdance takes the pain out of lap dances. We’ve tested them with big butts, bony butts and even granny butts! No pain, our testers still made it rain! LL is designed for the grind!
I had no idea that lap dances were generally painful. Guess I learned something new today!
Now, I’m sure you’re thinking, “But Wendy, if it feels that much better, things might get a little… ummm… ‘messy’.” Don’t you fear! They have that covered, too!
4. They contain your semen. When a guy has an orgasm during a lap dance, it can be quite awkward if he’s not wearing Liquid Lapdance. A wet stain typically forms on the guy’s crotch, and semen may get on the dancer, where it is often unwelcome. With Liquid Lapdance, you can relax and fully-enjoy the orgasm without worrying about minimizing or containing ejaculation as you might in regular underwear.
These seemingly needless underpants are available in single packs, 3-packs, and what they call the “Bachelor Party Pack” which contains 12 pairs of underpants and will set you back $100.
What do men who have used the product have to say about them?
“Makes lap dances twice as good.” – Sean, AZ
“Now I get it. Lap Dances can be THAT good.” – Lawrence, NY
“This thing is gonna blow up. Brilliant! Love it! Feels better than dry dances.” – Frankie, NV
“Our bachelor party will go down in history as one of the best. Sixteen guys walked into the (strip club) ALL wearing Liquid Lapdance. It was HILARIOUS. Dances felt so good I’d have let the groom sit on my lap… ALMOST!” – Mark, LA
“Feels better than dry dances!”? Fantastic.
So, if you’re into that kind of thing, order yourself a pair, grab some lube, and you’ll be ready to go! Don’t want to order it and have your wife or girlfriend find out? That’s ok, you can disguise your purchase as a “European Penis Bath“, whatever the hell that is.
Oh, and this guy had a lot to say about it.