Weird News: The Movie — Woman Severs Husband’s Scrotum With Pirate Sword
In Hollywood, the movie community will make movies that carry the disclaimer ‘based on a true story.” We figured we could do it too! The following post is based on real weird news as interpreted by the twisted brain of Dahmer.
Genital severing via pirate sword, that’s what this one is all about! Usually, when you hear a story like this in the news–its about a chick who cut off a guy’s penis and not a chick who cut off a pair of balls with a pirate sword! Down in Ft Pierce, Florida last week, a 38 year old chick named Katy Smithson got into an argument with her husband, a 44 year old guy named Ralph.
I guess her husband had called her a floozie (which they say is an old fashioned word for s___–like in the 1950′s) An era before the word s___ was invented. She grabbed a pirate sword that her husband owned….and started swinging it around like a mad-woman. And I’m not sure how this happened, but somehow it did also note that in the story, her husband was wearing some loose gym shorts with no underwear.
As this chick takes a swing at her husband, he sort of jumps up in the air and back (sort of a Matrix-esque move.) The pirate sword hit the guy in the groin and cut his scrotum clean off! The victim’s insane wife started screaming as the guys sack was laying on the floor of their kitchen. The disheveled mess of a woman frantically dialed 911.
Paramedics show up, toss the guy in the back of the ambulance–scoop up his cut off man sack off the floor and put in a little plastic baggy with some ice. He was rushed to the hospital and into emergency surgery, where doctors were in fact able to re-attach his severed baby-batter production facility.
The inside of his balls are still all messed up and shall never function properly again. But at least his scrotum has been re-attached and the dude looks normal. And yes, crazy wife was arrested and charged with aggravated felony assault. She’s due in court next week.
I say we open this one up for discussion? Thoughts and concerns? Leave them in the comments section below.