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Stoner Andy’s Mother’s Day

Hey there, so like… I found out literally minutes ago that today is Mother’s Day instead of Grandmother’s Day–like I thought. It was a weird one in general. I live in my grandma’s basement… so– I decided to do something special for her for this special day. People always say… so do you like.. have a mom? The answer, man– is yes–I do have a mom but she left me at my grandma’s neighbor’s house when I was a baby to pursue her dream of becoming the number one pizza truck carney in the country.

She, like came close too, man… one year she was elected 18th best pizza truck carney and received the coveted Golden Carney award. Her new dream career meant that we were like… not very close. So, about a year after my mom dropped me off at my grandma’s neighbors… my grandma noticed me there under the porch. She took me in and has let me live in her basement ever since, man.

So, for this special day I decided to save up and buy her something she would, totally like… love, man. I got her a brand new bandoleer as well as a new designer eye-patch. She was totally stoked, man. When I gave it to her she said a ton of decipherable as well as indecipherable curse words and after about 10 minutes straight of coughing she looked me in the eye and said.. well… she said nothing–but that look said thank you. Shortly after she found out I ate her last pudding cup and she assaulted me with a nightstick. When I awoke after the beating, she was fast asleep with a smile and I knew like… I totally… did a good thing, man.

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