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St. Patrick’s Day is Fun – But a Total Lie

Sexy Green Chick
We don’t care about the truth…as long as we can hang out with HER! (sUs_angel/Thinkstock)

Everyone has a great time on St. Patrick’s Day, celebrating the great Irish Saint who brought Christianity to Ireland, kicked out the poor, legless snakes, and used a shamrock to teach about the Holy Trinity. Also, leprechauns are super important for the day, and everything is supposed to be green.

Or is it?

IT’S ALL LIES! LIES, I TELL YOU! And Ranker has the info to “prove” it!

They don’t even really drink on St. Patrick’s Day in Ireland! It was a dry day for a long time! They don’t eat that much corned beef and cabbage, green has nothing to do with the guy, and leprechauns are just a pop culture lie that people can remember because they’re cute!

Your WHOLE LIFE is a LIE!

Patrick WASN’T EVEN IRISH! And yes, at this point, I’m taking away his sainthood, because WTF?

He didn’t originally go to Ireland to bring religion…he was kidnapped and enslaved by Irish pirates, and was held captive for six years until he escaped back to Britain…where he was from. When he went back “to teach them about Christ”…there were already Christians there.

Oh, and the snakes thing? Too freaking cold in Ireland for snakes. They didn’t live there.

And the Irish COULDN’T get drunk on his holiday for a REALLY long time…because it was a religious holiday. And we know how Christians feel about getting blasted on religious holidays. You’re supposed to be a good person on that day. AND it’s right in the middle of freaking LENT! You think anyone’s getting blasted in Ireland during LENT?

So don’t worry about wearing that “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” t-shirt your girlfriend always makes you wear, don’t worry whether your beer is green or not, and just have a good time. It’s a cheap excuse to go have beer with your mates and not give a damn about the hangover tomorrow.

Want to learn more about how St. Patrick’s Day has been lying to you? Check out this fun article at Ranker.com, where they lay out the cold, sad, truth.

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