Science Proves the Detroit Lions Have the Drunkest Players

The Detroit Lions might look like they're playing drunk, they're so bad this year, but it's actually the fans who are the drunkest in the league! Who can blame Lions fans for getting a bit tanked, especially after watching the brutal massacre that happened in England over the weekend!

I'm really surprised Stafford has survived some of the games, watching him go down as often as a sorority girl at a frat party this season.

But this horrible gameplay has led to the Lions fans getting a bit more inebriated than the rest of the league. Detroit's awful season has their fans blowing a higher blood alcohol content than even Eagles fans! (That's pretty rough.)

Of course, this might just mean that Lions fans are more honest about using their BACtrack mobile breathalyzers, since my Texans have been getting beaten up pretty bad this year, too, and that's caused a bit of extra drinking on my part.

Okay, quite a bit. Dammit, okay, a lot more drinking on my part! Jeez.

Heck, the Lions have been so bad, there was even a GoFundMe page started to help buy the team!

There's only one team that topped the Lions in drunken behavior, and that's the Bills. And if you check out some of the stories that have come from recent Bills' games, you'll see that all that booze has led to some bad decisions, like rando handjobs.

Please, drink responsibly. Don't drive drunk, and don't jerk any rando dudes, or go down on any Redskins fans.