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Renaissance Nerd Punishes Teenage Daughter With Vicious Armored Sword Beatdown

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The common understanding up until this point in time regarding fans of renaissance fairs was that they rarely got laid and therefore never created offspring. Well, it turns out that some of them do find places to deposit their seed. At least one did anyway. And when his daughter went out of town without his permission he decided that her punishment should be to sword fight her old man until one of the combatants reigned victorious.

38 year old Freemon Everett was angry with his daughter for going out of town to what he described to police as a “crack-house.” When Everett found out about his daughter’s little adventure he did what any good father would do–he told her to suit up into some medieval armor and fight him in their backyard. He got a little carried away, however. From 2am-4am an epic battle took place. Well, not really that epic… since the 38 year old proceeded to layeth the smacketh down with a wooden sword until his daughter could no longer stand up.

Oh, don’t be so quick to judge… at least he gave her a set of armor and her own sword to defend herself with honor. Police didn’t find the man’s backyard justice so amusing. After one of Everett’s daughter’s friends took pictures of her bruises from the LOTR-eque battle to show police, they came swooping in like ring wraiths. Everett and his wife are facing charges of abuse and assault. The authorities now can only hope he doesn’t have any wizard friends who can summon a band of talking eagles to fly him out of jail.

[Via: The Olympian]

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