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Need A Good Reason To Go To ArtPrize? Try Lots of “Jugs”

They say art is in the eye of the beholder. So say what you want about the normal run-of-the-mill conventional pieces you're scouring the city of Grand Rapids to see. I JT (pronounced “Zhay Te” from hence forth) took a different approach than the norm. I explored countless art prize submissions this year with a critical eye. I roamed the art enriched terra-firma while embracing the spirit of untethered abstract expressionism with the goal being, to strike my judgement with a balance of structure and accident, restraint and recklessness, deliberation and instinct……ok, this is bunch of BS. Who am I fooling – I basically just looked around for exposed lady parts and gave them a (1-5) “Jug” rating. Enjoy.


Morning Wood


Nothing is more beautiful than some shapely wood in the morning, wait, that doesn't sound right does it? Anyway, little mermaid here is anything but little and so many unanswered questions left...well, unanswered. For instance, is being sensual with a Dolphin morally acceptable? Gotta be honest, as I long as I hold my gaze north of the belly button-I'm good. Big points for shape and form Low points for wood splinters in my hands.
JUG rating; 3.2


To beard or not to beard


Not sure what's going on with this piece but somehow it centers around this dudes beard. Honestly looks like naked guy was ashamed and probably grew the super sized chin mane to cover his small package??? He is being consoled by saggy rack who is crying, nice rack who is so ashamed she is covering her eyes, and an older woman who looks like she's thinking.."eh, what the hell, ram me Zeus." But that's just me minus the abstract thought process. Big points for multiple jug content Low points for having a dude in the picture.
JUG Rating: 2.9


Jug Bot


Here's one for tech geeks. I heard it was crafted from a long lost photo of Rosie the robot from the Jetson's when she was in her 20's. Rumored to be taken during her centerfold pull out in "Playbot" era. Yeah, you go Rosie dirty robot you. Big points because mechanical restraint make up guarantees Jugs never sag. Low points for her cold and unfeeling sensors - not inviting at all.
JUG Rating 2.2


3 (double) D


I found this piece contained such scumbled gestures that one could construe this as being a bit messy, yet it does contain an inexorable language of longing in its abstract, whatever the hell that means. Big points for detailed areola Low points for butt in painting being as big as areola.
JUG rating: 3.5

boob 4.JPG

Meet the "Juggys"


Well, we arrive at the Masterpiece. The coup de gras of cans at ArtPrize this year. I'm gonna spare you any unruly commentary as you can plainly see – it's a collage of chicks baring their enamoring Juggys. Now that my friend, is art! Big points: for multi shots. Low points: for some fugly-ness.
JUG rating 4.1


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