If you follow those silly "National Holiday" sites that have celebrations for every single day of the year, you will know what to celebrate today, and how. If not, I have some help for you ladies, since today is the day for you to get drunk and masturbate, apparently!

Today is both National Drink Wine Day, AND National Battery Day!

Now, before you go off (haha, not an intentional pun) and yell at me for making this up, I'm totally not. It's National Drink Wine, Batteries, and Crab Stuffed Flounder Day. You should be thanking me for not working the crab stuffed flounder jokes into this post. Trust me, they're in my head right now.

So ladies, this is the perfect day for you! Send the significant other out with his friendds, go raise a few glasses of your own with the girlfriends, stop by the store for some fresh Duracells, and charge up your favorite toy!

Who needs a man today, when you have the best pairing of holidays probably EVER?

So, what's the best wine pairing for a multi-speed vibrator, anyway? Something light and fruity? You probably don't want a heavy, sweet wine sitting in there while "celebrating" the battery holiday portion of your evening.