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JT’s Top 5 Apps For Dudes

Photo Illustration by Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

I hadn’t spent a lot of time in the app store lately and had forgotten how useful and (more importantly) how unuseful some apps can be.  Here’s just a few of my favorites I came across recently, feel free to add your fav’s or enlighten me on a few I may have missed.  

Breastimate – measures appx size of her fun bags.  Works on a snap shot or loading a preexisting image. Simply move the onscreen fingerprint points to measure the length of the face and to outline the bra area. Pressing play reveals the size.  The REAL secret is how to do this inconspicuously so good luck.

Ifart – for times when you just can’t seem to be able to muster up that “wow” fart in front of your buddies, there’s now the Ifart. Whether you want to rattle windows with the “Burrito Maximo” or keep it quieter with a SBD “Brown Mosquito” this app gives you the World’s Most Popular Digital Fart Machine at your command! For more hilarity add Fart Packs to your audio arsenal.

Ibeer – this hilarious visual gag behaves like a real pint of beer thanks to the iPhone sensors and our spare time.  Remember though…funny once, NOT funny 100th time.  Gonna warn ya though,  if you become annoying an ass kickin’ will surely ensue.

PMS BUDDY – by downloading this app you can prepare yourself mentally for your wife or girlfriends’ PMS moodiness. All you do is enter the last known date of her cycle and its average length, and PMS Buddy will provide you with the date of your lady’s next period.

Do use this app with caution. Women can be touchy about their PMS. I probably wouldn’t tell your wife that you’re tracking her period on your phone unless of course you enjoy your nads being tied around your neck.

iHandy Carpenter – while it’s not quite the grunt-worthy stuff of Tool Time fantasies, this app actually provides a useful set of accessories for checking home measurements in a pinch. The slick and beautifully designed virtual tool belt includes a plum bob, a surface level, a bubble level bar, a protractor, and a ruler. Don’t know about you , but I’m still waiting on the welding torch update.

There ya go – my fav’s.  Know of any I’m missing?  What’s your favorite?


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