I Commited Earth Day Sin And I Don’t Care

"Happy Earth Day Polluter" was the greeting delivered by one of my neighbors out walking his mangy mutt.  "Yeah, stick it" I coughed back.  The source of his accusation was my gas trimmer of course and  anybody who lives within a 25 sq mile radius of my home knows why the charges were thrown my way.

You see I have this gas trimmer that is about 15 years old and (I thought) on it's last leg. It sputters and spats and coughs more carbon monoxide than 225 Hummers combined. But the damn thing works.

I keep wishing it would die but it won't.  Every mowing season I fill it with my best guess-te-mation of combined oil and gas (some years I get it right and some I don't) and yank on the pull cord for what I feel will be the last time. But like a cockroach you've stepped on 300 times and thought you'd left for dead, it gasps, snorts & wheezes then rears it's ugly clattering spool head and roars to life sending plumes of deadly gas to surround me like dirt surrounds Charlie Brown character Pig Pen.

I hack, cough and nearly pass out each time I trim the yard but damn it I'm not giving in.  This battle of man vs machine has been going on for over 3 mowing seasons now.This thing has to die soon or I will die trying.

Suppose I could just junk it and go get a new more fuel efficient and "earth friendly" gas model or worse yet, I could just turn in my Man Card now and get the tree huggers electric model but "f" that.  No sir, I'm running this stubborn clanking piece of crap into the ground if I have to.  I mean it's personal now.

So, If  ever you drive by my hood and see a mushroom shaped cloud of carbon-monoxide rising in the distant sky don't panic, it just means  it's mowing season at JT's.