Florida Man Dies After Roach Eating Contest
Eating a big ol’ juicy bug is one of those things a guy’s gotta do at least once in his life. It’s like drinking bull testicle beer–a one-time-BAM-done kind of deal that’s a true testament to one’s manhood.
First off, things can get a little weird down in Florida. Just take a look at Tabitha Tubesock, and you’ll understand. So when we heard there was a roach-eating contest taking place, we weren’t all that surprised. Participants binged on roaches in order to snag the grand prize of an $850 snake. Listen, that’s a cool prize and all, but there’s no way in hell we’d eat a vat of live insects for an overpriced reptile. Unless it was one of those penis snakes. We might do it then, those are cool.
One participant, Pharaoh Gayles, disagreed with us; she thought it was a great little event they had going on. Pharaoh remarked: “Some of the snakes were pretty expensive. I thought if I could eat the bugs to get one, it’d be a good idea.” We imagine that she probably hasn’t been out of state in 53 years.
Fellow contestant Edward Archbold was downing roaches left and right, and everything seemed disgusting, but fine. Then 11:30pm rolled around, and Archbold suddenly collapsed. Police were called to the scene, and the roach-eater was taken to the hospital where he later died.
There’s no word yet on what actually caused his death, and we’re still pretty confused about the whole thing. We’re sure Tabitha is buggin’ out.