Five Michigan Laws You May Have Already Broken

Remember that young woman you had a fling with back in college? Yeah, that was against the law. So was that car you bought a few Sundays ago.

Welcome to the world of law and justice, Michigan style. 

In the wake of the Michigan legislature declining to take up the chance to banish some old sodomy laws, I decided to look up some other laws that we all may be breaking without being aware of it.

Have you been guilty of breaking any of these laws?

1. No man may seduce and corrupt an unmarried girl. Yes, 'corrupt' means exactly what you think it means. Code 750.532 specifically states:

Any man who shall seduce and debauch any unmarried woman shall be guilty of a felony, punishable by imprisonment in the state prison not more than 5 years or by fine of not more than 2,500 dollars; but no prosecution shall be commenced under this section after 1 year from the time of committing the offense.

Yup, that awkward first fling you had was probably against the law.

2. Cars may not be sold on Sunday. Sure enough, a quick glance at the web sites of many dealers across Grand Rapids show that most honor this rule, but what if you found a guy who had a car for sale on Craigslist, and the only day he could meet you to close the deal was a Sunday? BAM! You are in violation of code 435.251, which clearly says:

It shall be unlawful for any person, firm or corporation to engage in the business of buying, selling, trading or exchanging new, used or second-hand motor vehicles or offering to buy, sell, trade or exchange, or participate in the negotiation thereof, or attempt to buy, sell, trade or exchange any motor vehicle or interest therein, or of any written instrument pertaining thereto, on the first day of the week, commonly called Sunday.

3. It is illegal to sing to your girlfriend in Kalamazoo. Okay, this is something not all of us would take up, but you may get the urge to win over a beautiful woman with song. That's fine, as long as you're not in Kazoo, where the law indicates, 'serenading a woman without her previous knowledge' violates civic code. So next time, ask her, 'May I sing to you?' If the answer is no, get the hell out of there!

4. It is illegal to throw anything onto the ice surface at Joe Louis Arena in Detroit. This well know code may have saved my life after I whiffed playing 'Score-O!' in front of 20,000 screaming Detroit Red Wing fans back in 1983. They yelled all sorts of expletives at me, but couldn't hurl a beer at me. That's because of a law drawn up in the Motor City to prevent octopii from being tossed onto the ice. That tradition started back in 1952 when eight games were needed to win the Stanley Cup (see what they did there, eight games, eight legs). When the tradition was resurrected in the early '90s when the Red Wings became relevant again, the mess got a little out of hand. It took them such a long time to clear the ice of octopii that the City Council banned it.

5. Willfully destroying your old radio is prohibited. But why, for the love of God, would you want and go and do that? Your old radio was your best friend. Bury it gently in the backyard, with great respect. Thank you.