I'm blogging while angry, so I'm sorry if I seem, well, angry. I just came across this letter posted by the folks over at Total Frat Move that was sent by a guy who is the social chair of Phi Kappa Tau at Georgia Tech. The email, which he titled "Luring Your Rapebait" which does include the line "NO RAPING" in all caps is probably the creepiest and rapiest thing I've read in a long time. Read the letter and see what I mean after the jump.

Let me start out by saying that I know that this letter does not in any way reflect the views and opinions of all of the members of this frat, nor does it reflect the views of all frat guys. This guy, however, may need some serious psychological help. Let's begin:

Alright chods, some of you could use some help on how to mack and succeed at parties. Mostly pledges do, but some bros could use a review. For anytime throughout the party… If you are standing by yourself at any point, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!!! If you are talking to a brother of your pledge brothers when there are girls just standing around, YOU ARE OUTTA HERE!!!

Other than the excessive use of capital letters, the above paragraph isn't entirely terrible. I mean, he's just encouraging his brothers and pledges to be social and interact with their guests. Not douchey or rapey yet, but just wait...

Ok, if it is before midnight… A group of girls is standing around, grab a bro or pledge bro and go talk to them. First, introduce yourself and get their name, ask if they are having a good time, and then ask if they want anything to drink. If they say yes, walk them to the bar and tell them what we have to drink. If they say no and they look like they are in a sorority, ask them if they are in a sorority (DUH). If not, choose one of the following: where are you living, where are you from, have you been here before, how are classes going, or where all have you been tonight. Then proceed to have a conversation. IF THEY ARE HAMMERED AT ANY POINT BEFORE MIDNIGHT, JUST SKIP THE CHIT CHAT AND GO DANCE.

Well, aside from the last line, the second paragraph sounds like, you know, being a normal person and talking to another normal person like a normal person! Do people really need to be taught this stuff? If so, we may all be doomed. That last line (in all caps, of course) is a little weird, but let's see where he's going with this, shall we?

Midnight or after, if you have been talking for awhile and they’ve had a couple drinks, ask if they want to dance. If you see an untalked to group or a solo girl, go up to her and ask if she wants anything to drink. If she says yes, get her a drink and then ask if she wants to dance. If she says no, ask her to dance. DANCING IS FUN!!!!! Always try to dance. If she does not want to dance and is with friends, say “aw thats no fun” (or something like that) and then ask one of her friends.

Basically, he's saying, "If she says 'no' shame her into thinking she's totally lame and then blow her off to dance with one of her friends!" Great advice, broham. You're on a roll now. And now, we get dancing lessons from Casanova,

Here is how to dance: Grab them on the hips with your 2 hands and then let them grind against your dick. After that slowly alternate between just putting your hand across their stomach, but make sure don’t to go to high (keep it under the boob) or too low(dont try to finger her… yet). After a song, start putting your cheek on the side of her cheek. ALWAYS USE YOUR HANDS OR ARMS TO GUIDE THEIR DANCING in order to maximize your pleasure. If she starts putting her hair over her ear, THAT MEANS SHE WANTS A KISS. Therefore, try to give her a kiss on the cheek. They usually like that and nothing really should ebcome of it. In the case, go for the neck kiss. If for some reason they aren’t down for a cheek kiss, just dance through it or say you are going to get another drink and see if they want one. And then repeat from the beginning.

Translation: "Dry hump her, however you would like, use your arms to guide her into optimum dry-humping position. Then, because obviously hair placement dictates whether or not a girl wants you lips on her, determine whether or not you should kiss her by whether or not her hair is in the right position." Give. Me. A. Break.

Stay classy, frat boys. (flickr, rico-san)

If the party is going good (a.k.a. there are a lot of open girls) try to escalate cause it’s awesome. Here is how to escalate: Try to twist her hips around to face you and dance front to front. FROM THERE THE OPTIONS ARE UNLIMITED! You can make-out with her (tongue on tongue), you can stick your hand up her shirt (not right away though), you can go for a butt grab (outside or inside the shirts), or use your imagination. ALWAYS START WITH THE MAKING OUT!!!! NO RAPING.

Translation: "Turn her around so that she's facing you and then try to do some of the following rapey things and see what she thinks. Make her feel like a piece of meat. But, only do rape-ish things. Don't actually rape her. Yet."

A short guide consist of the 7 E’s of HOOKING UP! 1. Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls) 2. Engage (go up and talk to them) 3. Escalate (ask them to dance, or ask them to go up to your room or find a couch, depending on what kind of party) 4. Erection (GET HARD) 5. Excavate (should be self-explanatory) 6. Ejaculate (should also be self explanatory) 7. Expunge (send them out of your room and on their way out when you are finished. IF ANYTHING EVER FAILS, GO GET MORE ALCOHOL. I want to see everyone succeed at the next couple parties.

In trying to respond to that I mostly just open and closed my mouth a bunch of times while sighing and staring at the keyboard. "Find a girl. Talk to her." The first two steps are perfectly normal. "Ask them to dance. OR take them somewhere that's more conducive to being rapey." I mean, that's basically what he said. And then, well, we all know how the rest works. The last step is my personal favorite. "Use them for what you brought them there for and then tell them to get the hell out." This guy is truly a gentleman and a scholar. And really, guys, if all else fails, he just wants you to pump her full of more booze so that she's completely incapacitated and it'll be way easier for you to accomplish your goal (and this guy's goal for you).

And how did he sign the letter? Of course,

In luring rapebait,
[name redacted].”

A bit of advice to this guy (and all of his bros who read the letter): girls don't like it when you randomly rub your dick all over them. Weird, I know. Dancing is not the same as dry-humping while standing and moving to a beat. Again, weird, I know. What's the appeal of sleeping with someone that's so hammered they probably don't know what their own name is?

I have this tip for you: If you want to ejaculate after having an encounter with a drunk stranger, get yourself drunk and then try masturbating using the other hand.