Need a date for Thanksgiving and want to piss off your family?

A convicted felon is offering up his services on Craigslist to accompany a lucky lady to her family's Thanksgiving dinner.

A 28-year-old, tatted up, line-cook and non-high school graduate from Nashville posted this ad in the "Casual Encounters" section on Craigslist:

 

Photo: Nashville.Craigslist.org

Here's the full text:

It’s Thanksgiving. Want to skip that long, insulting conversation about how youre still single? About how your parents really want more grand children? Well, look no further!

I am a 28 year old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van one year younger than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar. I can play anywhere between the ages of 20 and 29 depending on if i shave. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like to have me as your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.

I can do these things, at your request:
openly hit on other female guests while you act like you dont notice.

start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion.

propose to you in front of everyone.

pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on (sorry, i dont drink, but i used to. alot. too much in fact. i know the drill).

Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.

I require no pay but the free meal i will receive as a guest!

I'm not single or in Nashville, but I have to admit, I like where this guy's head is. I mean, a-hole relatives who constantly bug a girl about settling down should get punked on Thanksgiving.

Plus, his van sounds pretty bitchin'.