Checking Out – 8 Of The Weirdest Burials And Final Arrangements
Coffins, cremation, mummies, that's all old news! When you die, you want to go out in style right? Between bizarre traditions and modern technology, burial customs have become more and more diverse throughout time. Read below and you will find 8 of the weirdest burial arrangements that are still in existence and available for any consumer to take advantage of.
If you observe the sanctity of death as particularly important, then try to ignore some of the tactless jokes that were made…
“Oh, I see you are admiring my diamond ring… It's my Grandma.” Now if that isn't a conversation starter, I don't know what is. A company known as LifeGem, will take hair or ashes from a loved one and mold the remains into a diamond. Over 4,000 people have used the service from LifeGem alone. And with several other similar companies in the death diamond business, it will soon be hard to tell if someone just got engaged or if their Grandma died. Think of this service as an investment, not only in your loved one's memory, but also as an addition to your portfolio. Pawning off Grandma for some shiny new rims has never been easier with LifeGem.
Taxidermy, it's not just for Fido anymore! The story about this bizarre final destination broke last year when a 22-year-old Puerto Rican shooting victim's family had his body preserved and stuffed for the wake. The victim was positioned as if mid-ride on his motorcycle. The procedure isn't currently legal in any US states and is considered defilement of a human corpse… damnit, now I can't stuff Grandpa and have him wearing Grandma via a death diamond!
Several companies around the country will accommodate the launching of your loved ones remains into orbit. And believe it or not, it really isn't that expensive. Celestis, a company that provides celestial burial services, offers Memorial Spaceflights starting at just under $1000. The thousand dollar package gets a symbolic amount of remains sent into orbit and returned to Earth. But if you are looking to send your loved one to infinity an beyond, you can drop $12,500 and launch the remains into deep space. All your Trekkie friends can be one with Spock now.
In Tibet, it is not uncommon for monks to remove limbs of deceased monks and crush their flesh, bones, and organs into a paste to be eaten by vultures. To sweeten the deal, the monks will add barley flour with tea and yak butter or milk to the paste. I know their is some sort of religious significance to this, but in my eyes it's pretty much throwing a stew made of corpse into a flock of hungry birds, but WTF do I know.
Everybody loves popsicles, so why not take your remains and turn them into a corpsicle that will be preserved for all of time? Cryonic preservation to the rescue! Cryonics is a blossoming scientific field that hopes to one day be able to preserve humans in a form of stasis. Currently the procedure is only being tested on deceased humans. Alcor, a company that facilitates the cryonic preservation process, intervenes in the dying process as soon as possible after legal death to preserve the brain as well as possible. Who knows maybe you will be revived in 300 years by some monkey scientists… “You maniacs, you blew it up! Damn you, god damn you all to hell!” – Planet of the Apes
If you are familiar with the touring museum exhibit, Bodies Revealed, then you will know what polymer preservation is. Bodies Revealed showcased polymer preservation here in West Michigan at the Grand Rapids Public Museum. This procedure has a lot of controversy behind it. The far majority of the bodies are of Chinese prisoners who “volunteered” their bodies to science before being executed… Right I'm sure there was a whole lot of volunteering. If you would like to donate your body for polymer preservation you can contact USC for your opportunity.
Holy Smoke is a website that will take a loved ones ashes and pack them into live ammunition. Using this service can give a whole new meaning to a 21 gun salute. Holy Smoke LLC provides a pretty unique sell on their website: Individuals finally have an alternative opportunity to celebrate their lives through their final arrangements. The services provided by Holy Smoke are a fraction of the cost of what most funeral burial services cost – oftentimes saving families as much as 75% of traditional costs. The ecological footprint caused by our service, as opposed to most of the current funeral interment methods, is virtually non-existent. Now, you can continue to protect your home and family even after you are gone. So pack Papa up in a shotgun shell and hit the firing range!
Like it or not, when you die your body will leak out toxins that can damage the environment. To most non-tree huggin' hippies, this isn't a big deal. But to others, this burial technique is truly revolutionary. The Infinity Burial Project engineered a fungus that feeds off of human remains and removes toxins from the body. the fungus aides in the decomposition process and leaves behind very fertile soil. I have two questions to direct at The Infinity Burial Project:
1. Does the process use magic mushrooms?
2. Will their be any consequences from introducing bio-engineered flesh eating fungi into the wild?
(because just writing out that second question just makes me think WTF?)