By the Way, Science Says Your Gluten Intolerance is a Lie, Too

Next to vegetarianism, the big craze right now is "Gluten-free" diets. And yes, there is a small portion of the world that is truly gluten intolerant, and those people have Celiac Disease. For the rest of you, what you think is gluten intolerance is, at worst, the beginning of Celiac, or a simple allergy to wheat.

Science strikes again.

Gluten intolerance used to be just limited to those who are actually intolerant to gluten, but now everyone can feel superior by being intolerant to gluten!

Scientists tried the whole test group thing and removed gluten, and some people showed a health improvement, even when they didn't know they weren't eating gluten anymore. But then, they simply removed the wheat products and tried again, and there was no difference in the health of the subjects. It wasn't gluten causing the problems, it was the certain types of carbs in wheat, lentils, and mushrooms. Those carbs are called FODMAPs.

So instead of spending giant amounts of money on "gluten-free" foods, those people who react to the FODMAPs should reduce those foods, sort of like those people who have IBS.

Oh, and for those of you who will scream, "But a doctor in Australia PROVED that my gluten intolerance is real, you asshat!", know this...that same doctor did another study, because all science has to be repeatable to be real, and proved his original study wrong.

Basically, all these restaurants and stores selling you expensive gluten free options are just ripping most of you off. Your "intolerance" is just you lying to yourself, so you can be special, or feel superior to other people. Find another way of being special.

And for the rest of us, we can feel free from the chains of having to listen to people who really aren't intolerant tell us about how living gluten free is so much healthier than what we do, and feel like assholes for eating that burger. Eat that burger, order all the bread, eat all the gluten removed from their foods, too. It won't hurt you.

GLUTEN LOVERS UNITE!