Best Of Recoil Magazine – May 2nd

Saginaw, Mich. – Hunting enthusiasts across the state met with opposition Monday as an estimated 7,000 members of the People for the Ethical Treatment of Imperial Forces (PETIF) protested the opening day of AT-AT Walker season.

Pinconning, Mich. – A historic collegiate achievement was realized Friday when a medium-sized cardboard box containing a half-dozen rocks received a Bachelors Degree of Science in Business/Marketing from University of Phoenix Online, a popular online college.

Classified location – A young, unmarried CIA special agent whose name could not be disclosed admitted Monday that, similar to how his confidential operation information is divulged strictly on a need-to-know basis, the laundering of his consistently large pile of dirty clothes is done strictly on a need-to-wear basis.

Gary, Ind. – Peabody’s Furniture delivery coordinator Joe Brocker used elements of slang to inform workers that the glass and mahogany coffee table scheduled for Monday’s afternoon delivery was indeed heavy, sources reported. “Joe was giving us a rundown on the day’s deliveries,” explained crew leader Bob Ceglarek. “When he got to the coffee table that was going to the Andrews residence, he said, ‘Careful with that one – f****r is heavy.’”