Best Of Recoil Magazine — June 13

Indianapolis, Ind. – Sources at Elliot Manufacturers, an industrial packaging materials supply company, confirmed early this morning that Tammy Spicer in human resources came to work dressed like a total slut again today. “Did you get a look at Tammy yet this morning?” accounts manager Paul Albert asked marketing director Edward Richards after returning from an interview with a prospective salesperson. “I swear, that girl dresses like she’s going straight from here to her weekend stripper gig or something."

Livingston, Ariz. – Partygoers were shocked and horrified Friday night when 20-year-old party host Trent Obeler found his quarter-barrel keg of Budweiser beer dead in the upstairs bathtub of his parents’ Livingston home at approximately 11 p.m., sources report.

Golf has long remained one of the most popular sports in the country, played as much for relaxation as for competition. Here are some tips to help sharpen your game.

• Beginners: part of the allure of golf is that the game presents almost unlimited situations that require the player to constantly be making tough choices. Still, for simplicity’s sake, you’re probably best off picking one end of the club to strike the ball with and sticking with it.

• Your first goal should be developing a good short game. Your second should be getting a cart airborne.

Boise, Idaho – Steve Warren, an experienced crane operator employed by Ace Construction Company, is reported to have done a number on one of the company’s air compressors when the controls for his crane malfunctioned Friday morning, causing the crane to over-rotate and sending the air compressor he was lifting crashing into the side of the building under construction.

Seattle, Wash. – First-time parents Mark and Julie Ward have begun recognizing that their sweet, cute-as-a-button infant daughter April is not nearly as adorable when the toddler is wailing and crying for attention at top volume three or four times every night while both career-minded parents attempt to rest in preparation for their upcoming workdays.