I’m at TGI Fridays, my normal location, having a drink with Loose Wendy and Green Day Gary. I realized that I had to use the restroom. I walk into the bathroom and the first thing I see is this huge swollen boob. A woman breast feeding her child. I automatically forget that I have to pee because I am so distracted by this disgusting looking boob. Rudely, yet unintentionally, I stared, snapped out of it, then went into the stall.
For some odd reason, and maybe you feel this too, my first thought was “Oh my god, this baby is going to hear me pee.” Then all off a sudden I couldn’t. “What if I accidentally do something that would gross out the baby and he throws up.” And on top of that, “There’s a half naked woman in the bathroom showing her boobs and I’m with my pants down… this is weird.”
Finally, I can finish. I go to the sink to wash my hands and I see this big breasted woman in the mirror with her baby. Nipple in mouth. I want to check my makeup, but I know I can’t. I don’t want her to think I’m looking at her boob… even though I am. But I’d also like to check my makeup. At this point, my boobs are starting to hurt just by watching this little monster go at it like a McDonald’s Triple Thick Shake. I have to leave.
I got back to the bar, and ordered my next drink. I just drank it a little slower that time.